Statistics released from the Center For Women's Health reveal that boxed wine has has overtaken perennial favorite "youthful indiscretion" as the leading cause for unplanned pregnancy in the United States. Boxed wine makers were jubilant about taking the top spot. "Halfway through the year we were in third or fourth place," said a breathless Miles Morgan, owner of Swig It From the Spigot winery and Boxed Wine Association spokesman. "We knew we had some ground to make up, and when (Director of development) Bruce Hunter came up with 'Books On Grape' we knew we had at least a chance to make things interesting." The recently released "Books On Grape" are boxed wines that are designed to look just like a stack of books, so they blend in easily on a nightstand or a desk. "We knew once we got the wine into the bedroom it would create a petri dish of unplanned pregnancies and bad decisions. I'm just so proud of all my guys right now. We've been putting the alcohol in fetal alcohol syndrome for years, and now we have the title to prove it! Somebody get me a box of Champagne!"
Boxed wine's surge with caucasian women 18 to 30 is what took it to the top spot. "Youthful indiscretion" was still #1 amongst teenage girls, and "f*%#ing Viagra" was the leader in women over 40. Among African American women of all age groups the #1 cause for unplanned pregnancy, for the 24th year in a row, was Barry White music.
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