Tuesday, January 3, 2012

"Santorum Surges From Behind In Iowa"

     Rick Santorum, who has been polling in the rear for much of his campaign, has seen a bump in his numbers over the past week. His ultraconservative values and his impassioned, frothy speeches seem to giving him some headway in Iowa. We have excerpts from many of the stumps he's given on the campaign trail.

On his recent surge- "We didn't take a break over the holiday. I love all the holiday galas in D.C. this time of year, but we just stayed focused. There were nights that we could hardly get into R.N.C. headquarters because of all the parties going on. As much as I hated to, I skipped the balls and slipped my staff in the back door."
On Newt Gingrich- "Newt and his tawdry affairs have tainted the G.O.P. image. My devout Christian values and, hopefully, my prayers, will help us overcome this stigma. I pray for it every night, and every time I drop to my knees I imagine moving beyond Newt's taint."
On Welfare- "Americans have become afraid of hard work. We have to overcome this. We all need to be willing to get down on all fours and do whatever needs to be done. It may seem painful at first, but once you get used to it you can actually find pleasure at how sore you are in the end."
On Rick Perry's brief surge- "I warned Rick to not talk so much once he started becoming popular. Talking has never been his strong suit. I told him 'You keep keep flapping your jaw like that then don't be surprised when this explodes in your face'. My uncle gave me that advice when I was a boy, and it still holds true."
On Campaigning In New York- "What a great city! I really like Manhattan a lot, but I have to confess, I really love me some Queens."
On His New Semi-frontrunner Status- "I know that the people I am now ahead of will throw everything they can at me. It may get ugly, but I expect it, it's how these things work. It's like I always say 'I don't mind taking a pounding as long as it's from someone behind me.'"
On Trimming The Budget- "We need to make some deep cuts, but we just have to be smart about it. For example, when I was supreme leader of Pennsylvania we were able to cut several million dollars from the department of transportation, with no visible effect to our interstate roadways, which are some of the most beautiful in the country. If you're ever up around my neighborhood I would like to invite you to drive up the Hershey Highway. It's an experience you'll never forget, and it would give me more pleasure than you know."