Bachman's SOTU rebuttal: "It was all ebonics to me."

     Looking somewhat like a distracted raccoon Michelle Bachman gave the official Tea Party response to the president's State of the Union address last night. Exuding righteous indignation and disgust for the president's message, Ms. Bachman was surprisingly short on the specifics of what the president said that filled her with such acrimony. She blamed this on not understanding him. "The liberals and socialists out there would have you believe that he is so eloquent and such a powerful speaker. That is just left wing propaganda. I saw his lips moving, but it was all ebonics to me. Now I'm not a racist, but am I the only one that felt like I was listening to Uncle Remus? I couldn't understand a word of it. All I got from it was that he never showed his birth certificate during the speech. That spoke volumes to me."
     Rather than attacking what the president said Bachman instead used the platform to push the Tea Party's, and her own, agenda. "If a Tea Bagger such as myself were running this country there would be millions of new jobs. New jobs for bonnet makers. New jobs for blacksmiths. New jobs for telegraph operators. The whole butter churn production industry would be turned around, not to mention the Pony Express. And nothing will cut down our dependence on foreign oil like the resurgence of the horse and buggy. And as far as alternative energy sources, Tea Party scientologists are working night and day to figure out how to harness a huge untapped American resource. If we can capture the energy from the burning all the textbooks that teach evolution we can rule the world!"
     Bachman also intimated her plans for the next election. "I haven't really asked her, but I think a Bachman/Palin ticket could make some big noise. Just think about it. 'Two girls, one teacup'. It's got a nice ring to it. Sarah and I could take the Tea Party principles and chew them up a little bit, pass them back and forth, and then drop them on the country. These ideals will fertilize economic growth and restore the country to what it used to be."