Bristol Palin, the unwed mother blissfully unaware of the irony of her abstinence campaign, claims she became pregnant after her then boyfriend Levi Johnston "poked" her repeatedly on Facebook. Palin was speaking to the Greater Alaska Young Republicans Against Practically Everything when she told her cautionary tale about mixing sexuality and technology.
"We was just chatting on Facebook and Levi claims his finger slipped. I don't know if he meant to poke me or not, but he acted all sorry about it until I told him I liked it. I told him I wanted him to do it again. Soon we weren't even chatting anymore, we would just log on and poke each other over and over. I knew it was wrong, but that was part of the thrill. Mama Grizzly was too busy inventing death panels to stop me, and I was too full of her "worry about the consequences of your actions later" D.N.A. to stop myself. I did try to be safe, at least. I had a firewall, and I made sure Levi had a firewall too. It just shows you you can never be safe enough. Not only did I become pregnant but Levi got a virus."
The hushed crowd of white teens and parents looked stricken at the revelations.
"You think you're safe. You think it can't happen to you. But then it does. I knew the minute I got that last poke that I was pregnant. I could just tell. I burst into tears and told Levi we had to stop, but it was already too late. He comforted me by holding me tightly in his arms against his unprotected penis. He was so brave for me, the way he kept pulling me against him..."
Palin fought to keep her composure as a tear ran down her face.
"So the only way to be completely safe is to have no contact between the sexes until they are ready to breed. My Mom is even going to use that as a campaign slo....ahem, I mean my Mom agrees with me. And she would have been here with me today, but she's in Arkansas figuring out what voodoo curse Obama used to kill all those birds."
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