G.O.P. filibusters own vote on whether to change nickname to "The Party Of No"

Republican leaders seemed shocked today when members of their own ranks filibustered their clubhouse vote on whether to change their nickname to "the party of no."  John Boehner was visibly upset, his complexion changing from sienna to burnt sienna as he chastised the "rebels" within his party. Mitch McConnell's expression was so tense that it almost appeared as if his skin was no longer sliding off his face, though he downplayed the setback, referring to it as "only a speed bump on the superhighway to Nobamaland."
   The filibuster was a three-pronged attack, headed by John McCain. McCain had said he would only vote for the name change if more than 80% of republicans agreed to it. When early polls showed over 90% agreed, McCain said he thought the polling was flawed. When he received a letter signed by 95% of both house and senate republicans stating they wanted the name change McCain decided to filibuster the vote "until more studies, not just of current republicans, but of future generations, can be completed in a manner that reaches a conclusion that agrees with my personal prejudices." Ironically, the motion for the name change was authored by McCain.
    Eric Cantor of Virginia backed McCain on the filibuster, but for different reasons. "I agree with the name change, but the voters put me in Washington for a reason. I am here to throw sand in the gears of government, to make sure nothing gets done while that very urban president is in office. I agree with the new name. My associates agree with it. The overwhelming majority of my constituents agree with it. This filibuster is not about what should or should not happen. It's a demonstration of how a micro-minority with its own agenda can stop anything it wants to, for whatever reason- real or fabricated. It's what my public pays me to do. It's what my Lipton-drinking fan base expects of me."
    Dan Issa of California was the only other republican who supported the filibuster. "I agree with the name change 100%, but I cannot vote with a clear conscience with all the riders they have attached to it. And actually I support all of the riders, but it's nice to look like you're standing up to 'business as usual.' The voters really seem to get off on that."
     Several riders had been added the vote. There was a proposition nominating Julian Assange as head of Obama's personal secret service detail, the "No Millionaire Left Behind" tax loophole bill, and the "Merde Act",  which would take underperforming American students who did not go on to college or join the military and deport them to Mexico while stripping them of their citizenship.