Palin outraged: "Jennifer Grey, show us your birth certificate!"

     When Jennifer Grey was crowned champion of Dancing With The Stars last week there was a huge sigh of relief from much of the country. For Bristol Palin fans, however, and her mother, there were shrieks of disappointment which have now turned to cries of "cheater." Bristol's fans, known as The B. Party, are disputing the results of the show for reasons ranging from "voter irregularity" to whether Grey should have been allowed on the show to begin with. "We have several problems with the way the votes were tabulated," said B Party spokesperson Susan Angle. "We feel there was a large group of, how shall I put this nicely?... unregistered burrito types who voted for her just because Patrick Swayze is a god in Mexico. She was also popular among the prison population, "Dirty Dancing" is the closest thing to porn they can watch in lockup, and as we all know felons aren't allowed to vote in the United States. For anything. Ever. If we could throw out all the votes from the illegals and the cons and, for good measure, the gays, I know Bristol would be the champ."
   Sarah Palin, Bristol's mother and the former 1/2 governor of Alaska, had her own spin as to why her daughter should have won. "She claims to be from New York," said Palin during an episode of her Discovery Channel campaign commercial. "Then why does she spell her name G-R-E-Y? That sounds awful European to me. That ain't no American spelling I know. If you claim you're American you better start spelling American. Know what I mean?" Palin then winked and fired a shotgun at a passing squirrel. "She claims she's one of "us". Well why hasn't she shown us her birth certificate? How come we've never run in to her at church? I've never even seen her drink a beer. She's not qualified to be America's champion. Maybe Finland's champion, or some other place where they all get nose jobs and spell their name wrong, but not my America. She should resign, or abdicate, or whatever they do where she's from." Palin stroked the shaft of her shotgun lovingly. "I would hate for someone to have to take 2nd amendment actions to rectify this injustice." Palin turned toward a nearby barn that had a lifesize cutout of Grey leaning against it and raised her shotgun. "Dance for me now, you foreign faker!" shouted Palin as she calmly fired, blowing off the cutout's right leg. Palin then turned her head to the camera, smiled, and winked. "Nobody puts MY baby in the corner," she purred, firing once more, blowing off Grey's head.